it has taken me my whole life to embrace solitude.
my whole life.
i spent every waking moment seeking my time to be filled by another. for some reason being with me was insufferable. i was terrible company to myself. i can only imagine to others.
where did the shift occur?
for now i want nothing more than to be alone.
to be with me, that is all i want. oh is it ever lovely. the sky, a good book, my cup of tea, it all makes my eyes swell up, my heart full.
having company i would have to barricade my connection to life. i did not realize how much of a mask i wear. i am not touched by life around others the way i let my soul be touched whilst alone. alone – life becomes life. stripped bare. and i can sit with it and be with it. it does not rush me. it reaches into the depths of my being. i could sit for the rest of my life with life.
how could i be around anyone but the ones who facilitate this?
must i supress it for all human interaction?
would i be half a human?
i would be half of me.
i want to be me.
and me, sheds a tear of awe when the moon comes to shine.
so hold me, whilst i drown in the things that the world has deemed so unworthy.